Five More Days!

So already I'm not updating this thing as much as I had planned, but nothing too exciting has been happening since I moved back home a month and a half ago. I've been watching TV, eating lots of crap, enjoying my bed and hot showers, and basically just trying to soak up all the American-ness I can before leaving.

I've never experienced such a roller coaster of emotions before in my life (and I used to take meds for bipolar disorder). For almost a year I struggled just to get an invite, feeling only excitement, no nervousness, no doubt, about finally getting that invite and starting my service. Now, my emotions are all over the place. I sometimes get random and very intense panic attacks and think "oh my God, I can't do this," even though I know, deep down I can (maybe because I've had people telling me my whole life "you can't, you can't." Maybe I just psych myself out a lot). I sometimes think "what if the Peace Corps made a mistake and they really dont want me? What if I get medically separated, since I've had to clear so medical hurdles in the past? Will I want to start the whole application process over again, over the course of another year and THEN do two years of service when I'm in my mid twenties?

And then, there are the times where I get SUPER excited. The past few days I've been bouncing off the walls excited. While at my grandparents house, I sifted through some of their travel books, looked at pictures of Africa, and was like, "omg, I can't WAIT to get there and actually LIVE there!" Ditto goes for when I read peoples' blogs and read about what they are doing, and I'm like, "yeah, that's EXACTLY what I want to be doing with my life right now."

So right now I've got a bunch of stuff strewn out on the guest bed, yet to be packed into my 2 pieces of luggage. I'd like to do a "trail run" of packing before Tuesday to see if everything fits into my luggage and is the appropriate weight. I'm probably bringing way too much stuff; i should take a picture of what the bed looks like with all my stuff on it.

Alright, off to calm myself down again because I'm experiencing another bout of nervousness.