I'm SO not in Kansas anymore

I wrote this during training, a breakdown of my life as a trainee and starting all over again in a totally different country, and some things have changed: obviously im not in training anymore; i am the most isolated peace corps volunteer in madagascar, 660 km southwest of Tana and 500 km from the nearest volunteer! Also, madagascar has slowly started to grow on me, so the negativity that follows has somewhat dissipated.

Anywho, heres what i wrote:


My prediction has come true: Madagascar has been more of an adjustment than going to Niger was. I’m still not all the way there, and I really think its going to take some time for me to accept what has happened to me and that I’m not going back to Niger. I’m still sort of in denial that this is happening to me and still disappointed and bitter that I had to leave Niger. A lot of my expectations have also been accurate: this is nothing like the Africa I know, hence why I feel like I’ve made an even huger leap than going to Niger. With Niger, I had a general idea of what to expect since I did a ton of research and I had experience in living in West Africa. I couldn’t really research Madagascar from Niger because we had no internet; only a few pages in someone’s Lonely Planet: Africa book. Nor did I pack for Madagascar (which is COLD – and its technically summer now) or to be a teacher, where I’m supposed to dress fairly nice. It doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, but when I’m in a bad mood or stuff starts going wrong, little things bother me a lot more than they usually would, and that happens a lot here. I’m not as motivated as I was in Niger, probably because this is round two, and I liked Niger a lot more.

So here’s the break down of my life for the past 6 weeks.

Week 1
I was absolutely miserable my first day here and for the first time, had thoughts of ETing. I came to Madagascar sick, with a cold and having suffered an awful bout of what I’m guessing was food poisoning in our day long stay in Paris; definitely my least favorite trip to Paris (my 3rd one). My bags, as predicted, did not arrive in Madagascar with me (apparently its really hard to put a frickin bag on a plane). I was SUPER homesick for Niger and REALLY disappointed. Madagascar’s NOT Africa and I really wanted to be a Peace Corps volunteer IN AFRICA. My experiences in Africa have been incredible; people who have next to nothing but were incredibly hospitable towards me, and somewhere (especially Niger) where the need for volunteers is so great, as people struggle to meet even the most basic needs. Wonderful people, bad governments, as a book I’m reading put it. People in Madagascar are friendly, but a lot more reserved, closed off, quiet, and shy. Since I’m an education volunteer, I’ll be going to a decent sized town and will have electricity, which is NOT what I was expecting, nor really wanting, out of my Peace Corps experience. However, I’m slowly getting there and will make the most of the next two years, even if its not what I was hoping for; I put up with a lot of bureaucratic b.s. to get here, and its going to take a lot to send me home packing.

I’ve never been to either, but M-car is what I’d envision the Philippines or Hawaii to look like (it is, after all, called the Hawaii of Africa). Parts remind me of the Caribbean; little houses dotting the lush green hills. It’s very green and quite mountainous where our training site was, on a giant man-made lake. I almost felt like I was at summer camp or something (which is how I felt during consolidation in Niger since we were all together all the time, but definitely more so now, because we have actual buildings and dorm rooms instead of huts, canoes we can take out on the lake, etc.) Take away some of the vegetation and the hills, and it could be a lake in Northern Michigan; there’s grass (definitely didn’t see any of that in Niger) and it was surrounded by pine trees. I read somewhere that over 90% of Madagascar’s flora and fauna are found nowhere else in the world, so maybe they’re special kinds of pine trees, but they are still pine trees nonetheless.

I know this makes me sound like a huge brat, since there’s probably 2 feet of snow on the ground in Michigan, but its SO COLD here! Its summer here (southern hemisphere, seasons are reversed) but summer is rainy season so it rains like 5 times a day and NOTHING dries quickly either. In Niger, my wet laundry would be dry by 10 a.m.; here, it could take days and still have a slight dampness to it (even things I haven’t washed have it; it’s the humidity, which does not necessarily mean hot, I’m quickly discovering). We are also in the mountains, at least 1000 meters above sea level, so its significantly cooler on top of all that. In Niger, 85 degrees made me shiver, and here, it rarely gets up that high, and even though I’m from Michigan, I still hate cold, and still consider cold to be less than 75 degrees, at least for me. And I packed thinking I’d be in the hottest country in the world for 2 years, so I’m not really prepared either.

One thing that I do absolutely love about Madagascar though is that people here are REALLY short! Even I, at 4’11, have a good few inches on a lot of the women here (and some of the men too! HAHAHA). FINALLY I don’t have to crane my neck to look at people and talk to them. It sounds silly, but for me, this is a big deal. Never have I been average height before (maybe in Malta?); even 11 year olds in America are taller than me.

Week 2
About 2 weeks after arriving in M-car, we found out our permanent sites because they needed to switch our classes around to teach us the appropriate dialects. I didn’t learn a dialect and continued with Standard Malagasy even though my site has a dialect. I’M THE MOST ISOLATED VOLUNTEER IN MADAGASCAR!!! WOOO!!! I’m 660 k southwest of Tana; it took 2 days to drive to. For as big of a country that Madagascar is (slightly bigger than California and Oregon combined), there are very few roads, and even though some of them are decent, they are very windy through the mountains and you can’t go that fast. There are people who are farther away from Tana than I, but they will be nearish each other; for me, the nearest volunteer is about 500 k away. When new stages come in March and July, some of them may wind up near me. However, I don’t mind and I’m actually looking forward to it. I’m in a coastal region where it’s supposedly “mahafana be” (very hot in Malagasy), my banking town is on the ocean, 45 km away, and the town is about 6,000 people, which I think is on the small side as far as sites go for education vols. It’s not going to be like in Niger, where I would’ve been in a village with 500 people; I was switched to education and ed. volunteers get placed in large villages/small towns. I’m also going to have electricity (apparently we’re required to, so we can do grading, lesson plans, and other teacher-esque things) which is REALLY not what I was expecting from my Peace Corps experience. I was definitely looking forward to roughing it, no electricity, no running water, small village, etc. So yeah, again, lots of adjusting. The excitement is in there somewhere, it comes and goes, but I’m really still missing Niger and am getting kind of jaded from training, and having to start it all over again. We stayed at the training center for 3 weeks, because PC/M was given such short notice to find host families, so it was like consolidation all over again. Consolidation in Niger started the day after my birthday: it’s the gift that keeps on giving!

Week 3
Christmas was nothing super special here; they cooked us a huge meal and I was kind of sick anyway; not sure what it was, but some things here really were a gastrointestinal adventure, and for a couple weeks or so, I had a general feeling of blah-ness and randomly provoked nausea. The day after Christmas, though, we all went to Parc National d’Andasibe, the only national park on the island that has the indri, the largest species of lemur. They are SUPER cute and look like teddy bears! They are supposedly a meter and a half tall, but they don’t look that big way up in the trees, hunched over and curled around branches. Their calls also sound like police sirens; its REALLY cool! We also saw another species of lemur, a sifaka, I think, that was jumping all over the place with a baby on its back and even paused up in a tree right in front of us (about 10 feet above us) so I got some awesome pictures! I also spent December 30 moping around and probably making everyone else around me miserable because that was the day we were supposed to swear in in Niger. Like I said, I’m still not over it, and its going to be a while, if it ever happens. I know some feel the same way I do, but a lot of people seem to be totally over Niger, and I sometimes hate that others are happy while I’m still not over it, like I should feel that way but I don’t, and then I feel upset that I’m not happy; kind of a negative cycle. However, I can’t help how I feel, and I’ve been getting a little better each day.

Week 4
So we FINALLY moved in with our host families on January 4, and my family is AMAZING! We’re only in families for like 2 and a half weeks and I REALLY wish I could have more time with them, or maybe like 1 week at the training center and the rest of the time with families. The house is pretty big, in comparison to other Malagasy houses. There are 2 floors, but there’s not really anything on the bottom floor, just storage space and a room they use to “shower” in. It was REALLY nice having an indoor room to shower in, and my host mother heated up water for me to bathe with. Plus, we had a well in our yard; some people’s wells were a long walk away. If those conditions hadn’t been present, I probably would’ve never showered because it’s FREEZING here! Everything takes place upstairs; the kitchen, living room/dining room/a bed someone sleeps on, a few rooms with curtains separating them where everyone in my family sleeps, and then my room. They have a huge yard too where a bunch of chickens roam about with flowers, a really deep well, and a kabone (Malagasy for latrine). There are also 2 pigs and dogs (I’ll take “things you’ll never find in a Muslim country” for 400, Alex) and the dogs recently had puppies! They were super cute, but I still keep my distance from the dogs here. While it’s not likely they have rabies, they probably have fleas and since it rains a lot, they smell like wet dog; I’ve forgotten how awful that smell is. My family was really eager to have me and very welcoming and patient with me. They immediately whipped out pictures to show me, showed me how to do things around the house, and involved me in activities. They were also impressed that I could pull water and do my laundry by hand! They kept telling me I was "mahay be" because the last volunteer they had needed to watch first before doing those things (she didn’t live in 3 African countries, I said.)

Week 5
Training is intense and long as is, but it got A LOT more difficult when we started practicum, or sample teaching, at the schools in town. My first time, with premiere students (the equivalent of high school juniors) was a disaster (though people ensured me I did better than I thought I did). It was a really complicated and totally random lesson, and students aren’t always necessarily at the level they are actually in in. All students are thrown in a class together; weak English students may be in a class with better ones. Lots of kids often get held back, start late, or drop out for a while and then join again later, so the age range in the class varies. When I saw the roster for my 2nde class (the equivalent of high school sophs.) I saw age ranges from 20 to 15. Plus, I’m sure they weren’t used to my accent and probably not sure how to act in front of the new vazaha teacher. I’d ask for participation and got blank stares and heard crickets. Occasional giggles and whispers. I was visibly flustered and not only doubting whether or not I could do this for 2 years, but for the rest of my life, since it was what I was leaning towards career-wise (though Esther pointed out that I’d be teaching history to people who speak my language. Touché.)

My second lesson, taught to seconde students, though, went MUCH better and I regained my confidence. The lesson was simpler… well, sort of. I’ve had to really water down a lot of what’s in the curriculum because, like I said, just because they are 2nde doesn’t mean they are at the 2nde level. The topic was the generation gap, but some of the stuff that I needed to teach included vocab for expressing an opinion (I think… According to me…, etc.) so I did that for most of the class. I gave put up sentences and asked if they were fact or opinion, and actually elicited responses from the students and they were able to give their own examples of facts and opinions. It doesn’t sound like much, but I was happy to FINALLY get a response and feel like something I said had stuck with them. I explained what the generation gap was but it probably went right over their heads; I don’t think it exists really in Madagascar, since people get married and have kids when they are 16 anyway, and since it’s so family and community oriented, several generations wind up living together anyway. However, it’s in the curriculum so we’re supposed to teach it, and some of the stuff in there is ridiculous. Oh the remnants of colonial education!

The first week we did practicum (sample teaching) was one of the most jam-packed, stressful weeks I could remember, ranking right up there with some finals weeks at K and the week my SIP was due. School in town started at 7 a.m. and we had to be there to observe each other teach, and my house was about a 30 minute walk to the school, add more time for the shitty, slippery, muddy roads. During this time, a cyclone on the east coast prompted some awful weather in our neck of the woods; about a 10 degree drop in temperature and CONSTANT rain, rather than just the on and off downpours. I got very little sleep because I spent about twice as long planning my lessons as I did teaching them, plus the stress and cold weather, and I was sick. Really bad cold, couldn’t breathe, probably kept my family up at night coughing. Ugh.

There are so many ups and downs here; it can get exhausting. One morning, in the middle of the practicum craziness and at the height of my cold, I woke up and wanted nothing more than to back home, on the couch mocking a bad reality show with some chips and Ben and Jerry’s. But then even the smallest things bring me right back and remind me why I am here. My host family always prays before dinner, but that night, after dinner, my host mother said they were going to sing a prayer out of what I guess is their version of a hymnal and they said a prayer afterwards for me to get better, and then sent me off to bed. It nearly brought tears to my eyes; I was truly touched.

Week 6
I taught a 6eme class (the equivalent of sixth grade) and they were SUPER cute! At first I was reluctant to teach middle schoolers, and in the states, if I do wind up teaching, I refuse to do middle school; they are brattier and I’d be forced to teach the rosier, dumbed-down version of history. But here, they are a lot more eager and willing to participate than the high school students who are too cool for school. Plus, the lessons are A LOT simpler; I taught them vocabulary about the home. My premier class later that day, though, were being really obnoxious. Talking and whispering, mocking my cough… ugh. If it were my own class, I’d kick people out, but I was just a sub, and even in the U.S., kids don’t take subs seriously and know they can get away with dicking around. In general, Malagasy students are really well behaved, not jumping out of their seats and snapping their fingers yelling “madame madame!” to get called on (like in Senegal), and at first we didn’t have problems with them. Plus, they weren’t really sure how to behave in front of us, and their teacher was sitting in the back row observing us as well. The second week of practicum, though, their teacher wasn’t there and I think they got used to us; they were being, well, less well-behaved. I kept telling them to be quiet (nicely at first, not so nicely later on). If it were my own class, I’d kick people out, which I definitely plan on doing when I get my own class. Apparently I can be scary, according to my fellow ed. volunteers who were observing me. Tee hee.

So FINALLY after what seemed like the training that would never end, we swore in as volunteers at the ambassador’s house in Tana and had a reception afterwards with really good food. We spent the night in Tana before swear in and I totally pigged out and splurged at nice restaurants. Shopping really stressed me out because i wasnt sure what i needed and we went to jumbo score, which is africa's answer to k mart. it was really stressful, but i had fun getting installed. I wasnt really looking forward to a 2 day drive, but i got to watch the landscapes from the back of a nice peace corps vehicle (WAY better than bush taxis) and watched as the landscapes changed from green mountains and hills with terraced crops and rice paddies to flatter land, red sand, palm trees and the HUGE baobabs! The climate changed too; no more of the cold highlands for me - it may even be hotter than Niger out here with the humidity. I LOVE it though and will take sweating through my clothes all the time (which is what happens) over being cold ANY day. I also ate AMAZING food along the way; fish meuniere and south african white wine in Antsirabe, coconut shrimp in Morondava and stayed in nice hotels. I had cool people installing me too, and they were fun to talk to and put me more at ease.

The first few days at site were fine; it felt strange to be alone and to have so much free time (well, for now; i start teaching monday). Even the smallest things brought me enormous amounts of confidence; being able to have even a small convo with someone in malagasy, or cook good food for myself, which truly amazes me, since Ive never wanted anything to do with domesticity and its contraining stays; as a feminist statement. but now, i can see how cooking and getting creative with few ingredients and little money can be an outlet. Ive managed to do some of the recipes in our cookbook and I havent set my house on fire yet; win!

Though on day 5 at site, a cyclone formed in the Moz. Channel and apparently passed through my village, prompting me to discover i have several leaks in my roof, one of which was right over my bed. I had thoughts of: "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what the hell you're doing in this country" as 260 km/hour winds and sheets of rain pummeled my poor house for a day, brown water dripping onto my bed, and the big bird sized bugs that follow the rains invaded my house the next day, one of the negatives of having electricity.

But again, little things bring me right back, and i realized that later, ill laugh about this and it will make a great story. I got calls from peace corps staff to make sure i was ok, called friends to rant about the awful day i had that day, and received texts from my host family to make sure i was ok. "Aza matahotra fa Andriamanitra tsara" my host mother texted me; do not be afriad, for god is good.

More later, the internet is eating my money and i need to buy groceries. Im starting teaching on monday, 5eme and 2nde, the equivalent of 7th and 10th grades; respectively.

sorry if im incoherent; my english is deteriorating rapidly and i feel rushed so i dont spend too much money on the internet.